Before you start
This conversation works because it's practical, not emotional. The goal is not to dwell on loss — it's to make sure the family has answers to specific questions if something happens. Plan it for a calm afternoon, not after an emotional event.
You will need:
- A summary (not the full document) of any will you have. If you don't have one, that's OK — this conversation will help you make one.
- A list of bank accounts, ISAs, pensions and key insurance policies. Just the providers, not balances or passwords.
- Names of 2-3 trusted adults outside the immediate household (godparents, grandparents, close family friends) who would help.
- This pack and a pen.
Tone note: Children sense parental anxiety. If you can be calm and practical, the conversation lands as reassuring. If you can't today, don't force it. Try another day.
1Open without melodrama4 min
The opening sets the tone. Calm and practical, not heavy.
"I want to talk about something that's really unlikely but worth having an answer to: what would happen if mum or dad got really ill or died? Not because anything's happening. Just because grown-ups should have a plan, and you're old enough now to know what the plan is."
Most children find this less scary than the version where parents avoid it entirely. The fear is the unknown.
Sometimes the answer is "yes — a lot." Better to hear that and have the conversation than to leave them with private worry.
2The four people you'd be living with6 min
For a child under 18, the most reassuring fact is knowing who would take care of them.
"If one of us was seriously ill or died, the other one would still be here. Day-to-day life would carry on. Sad, but stable."
"In a very unlikely situation where neither of us was here, [Aunt X / Grandma / Uncle Y] would step in. That's in our will."
Be honest about it: "We don't have that written down formally yet. That's something we're going to fix in the next few weeks. We have an idea of who, but we need to write it down legally."
This is genuinely useful information. Children often have strong preferences that adults don't know about.
3What a will is and what it does5 min
Demystify the document.
"A will is a piece of paper that says what should happen if a person dies. It says where the money goes, who looks after children, who handles things. It's legal — the courts follow it."
- Who gets the money and possessions (the "beneficiaries")
- Who handles the paperwork (the "executors")
- Who looks after children under 18 (the "guardians")
"There's a default set of rules called 'intestacy'. The money still gets shared out, but it follows fixed rules — spouse first, then children, then parents, then siblings. The courts decide guardians. Slower, messier, sometimes the result isn't what the parents would have wanted."
"Writing a will costs £100-300 with a solicitor for most families. Will-writing services like Farewill or self-print kits are cheaper but less robust. We use [X / haven't done it yet]."
4The "where to find things" list6 min
Practical, calming, important. Write this down with your child watching — not because they'll need it, but because they will know it exists.
One sheet of paper. List the categories. Don't put passwords on this sheet (those go elsewhere). Just providers.
| Category | What to list |
|---|---|
| Bank current accounts | "Lloyds, NatWest" — names of banks where there's a current account |
| Savings & ISAs | Bank/provider names. "Halifax Cash ISA, Vanguard S&S ISA" |
| Pensions | Employer + provider name. "Aviva workplace pension (current job), Aegon (previous job)" |
| Life insurance | Provider name + approximate sum. "Aviva £200k, term until 2040" |
| Mortgage | Lender name. "Nationwide, balance ~£X, term until 20YY" |
| Solicitor / will-holder | Name of firm holding the will |
| Accountant | If you have one |
| Trusted adults | 2-3 godparent / grandparent / close-friend contacts who would help |
Pinned to the inside of a drawer, in a file in the home office, scanned to a cloud folder a trusted family member can access. Tell the child where.
Passwords (use a password manager — 1Password, Bitwarden — with the recovery key in a sealed envelope with your solicitor). PINs. Card numbers. Balances. National Insurance numbers (can be looked up from documents).
5Lasting Power of Attorney — the "if I'm alive but can't decide" plan5 min
Different from a will. Less talked about. Just as important.
"A will kicks in when someone dies. A Lasting Power of Attorney — LPA — kicks in if they're alive but can't make their own decisions any more. Like if they're in hospital after a serious accident, or have dementia."
- Property and Financial Affairs LPA — lets your named person pay bills, manage your bank, sell the house if needed
- Health and Welfare LPA — lets them make medical and care decisions
"Without an LPA, if a grown-up loses capacity, the family has to apply to a court for a 'deputyship'. Takes 6 months, costs £400+. Without it, your bank can freeze your accounts. With an LPA, the family can keep paying the mortgage and household bills while the person is in hospital. Far less stress."
£82 each to register with the Office of the Public Guardian (in England & Wales). Reduced fee if you're on low income. Online application at gov.uk/power-of-attorney.
"We have these in place / We don't yet, and we're going to do them by [date]."
6Wrap-up: what to remember4 min
End with a short summary and a follow-up.
- We have / are making a will, with guardians named
- We have / are getting Lasting Powers of Attorney
- There's a "money map" sheet you can find at [location]
- If something happened, the people who would help are [names]
"This is one of those conversations grown-ups put off forever. I'm glad we had it. Most of these things never happen — but if any of them did, we have a plan."
After the conversation
Action list for the parents this month:
- If you don't have a will, get one. £100-300 with a solicitor; Farewill / Goodly online for ~£100. Don't leave it.
- If you have a will but it's more than 10 years old, review it. Children, marriages, divorces, deaths — all reasons to update.
- Register both Lasting Powers of Attorney (Property & Financial, Health & Welfare). Apply at gov.uk/power-of-attorney.
- Update the "money map" sheet whenever you change a bank, pension or mortgage provider.
- Tell your named guardians and executors that they're named — people sometimes don't know.
For the deeper reference on inheritance, trusts, and IHT, see the inheritance and trusts guide.
UK Tax Drag (2026). What if something happens to mum or dad? — a 30-minute family money conversation pack. Family conversation pack. Available at: https://kids.uktaxdrag.co.uk/parent-conv-wills-and-emergencies.html
CC BY 4.0. Free to share, photocopy and use in classrooms.